Hello! You might know me for articles about novels and fandom. But… I’ve been hiding a little secret. I have a huge passion for beauty. In fact, it feels like yesterday when I was obsessed with waiting for the newest Michelle Phan video. I hid this secret for a long time. After all, I was never meant to pursue this path of beauty—at least, that’s what I told myself for the longest time. Should I wear makeup? That was a question that filled me with both longing and shame.
What I struggled with most was this: why would I wear makeup and care about beauty, when there is nothing beautiful about me? I struggled to take care of my skin as an adolescent, and my skin picking reached new heights during anxious moments in my life. As a result, my poor skin condition and lack of self-confidence plagued me. Until I decided one day:
Yes, I am beautiful. And I can wear makeup if I want to and invest in skincare even when my own condition is not so good in the present. Because beauty is more than meeting a standard, it’s an inner transformation to become your best self.
Should I Wear Makeup? Yes!
Asking myself this question, I used to be filled with dread. Because of the way that I was raised, makeup was a taboo that didn’t belong in my hand. I have many memories of judgment when I held a beauty product—even something so simple as a BB cream.
It was not Christian or manly of me to wear foundation or to wear brow gel. So, I decided that I should hide away my passion for beauty. I watched videos in secret, subscribing to iconic channels like Tati and Weylie, but I never talked about how much I loved these beauty gurus.
Throughout high school and college, I imagined the day I would put on a fancy product and feel good about myself. Although I bought a few things from the drugstore, putting these products on made me feel distressed. I never had a good reaction from my parents or other family members for wearing cosmetics, so I thought it would not be meant for me. Always.
I went through several major mental health breakdowns in college. During these times, I acted recklessly and bought all the products I could get my hands on. With my horrible application technique, I looked like a proper clown while walking the streets of Honolulu.
But finally, I found what it meant to feel beautiful with the help of a few products.
Recovering from my mental health disasters, I sank into my shell again. Until last year, when I decided to try a few more products.
The first was a tinted brow gel. I found it wonderful how much the brows can frame your face!
The next was a glitter palette I bought from Japan. Putting a hint of glitter under my eyes, and a bit on the high points of my cheeks, was a step in my day that I looked forward to. The creativity of it captured me, knowing that there are millions of combinations I could do with just a few palettes.
Fast forward to the present day. I am still hesitant about wearing a full face of makeup, but I’m much more confident now in rocking a bit of blush or highlighter. After all, I’m doing it for me. I can choose the products that I like, and even for five dollars or less, I can create a moment in my day that fills me with joy.
You Are Beautiful Enough to Wear Makeup
So, I am investing in a few products that make me feel good. I am getting more confident in applying a dusting of color on my face.
But why should you listen to me?
If I am right, I think that there is a voice within us saying that we are ugly. We will never be enough. In fact, makeup will do nothing to hide the brokenness within us.
But what if we can listen to another voice? The voice of God saying that we are valuable and we are loved.
I think that if we can change our negative inner voice, or know how to process and speak against it, we can become the truest version of ourselves.
For me, I don’t think I’ll be rocking full glam or Hollywood looks. But, I can embrace the soft part of myself that likes a little bit of sparkle. Something subtle that enhances what I like about my features.
With K-beauty, I was able to find different ways to apply makeup. I was able to take tips about enhancement and understanding your face shape. Combined with the beauty gurus in the West that I already know and love, I am discovering my own way of applying cosmetics.
I want to tell you one thing: If you are thinking of wearing makeup, try it! See what it’s like to finally feel the products that you see online. I recommend trying a trendy drugstore item. For less than ten dollars, you can own a product that you can use for quite a long time. For me, that was the e.l.f. camo liquid blush. I have heard so much about it, and to feel the component in my hand felt like I was entering into a different dimension.
One where I was confident and comfortable in myself.
So, if you like lilac and pink glitter, treat yourself today! Apply something around your eyes, and tell yourself that you’re beautiful.
Because truly—you are.
Would you join me on my journey to inner beauty? Follow me on my Books & Blush YouTube channel, where I explore beauty and a bit of literature to spice it up a bit.
Visit me on my blog again next week! What is the one beauty product that you’re most excited to try? Remember, when you ask the question should I wear makeup, think about what we brought to light today. Continue nourishing your inner beauty, and join me on fictiondipity again to explore your creative expression.